The teacher to student over a light bulb and the question
- 'what we consume?'
The student reads the writing on the bulb and said
- 60 Watt '.
The teacher then says,
- 'No, not in the hands of his own consumption anything. Returns the next time '.
(Attributed to a teacher of Electronics of the Politecnico di Torino)
Consideration of anatomy, scene changes on the female genital organs. The professor, sadistically, he says with disdain to the student:
- 'Look, I give you 20,000 pounds, she should be late this evening in the harbor area and see how many young ladies willing to explain these things ...' The student collects
(in all senses) and call back later. Conquered soffertissimo statino 18 and signed the student puts 10,000 in hand incredulous professor, commenting:
- 'His wife takes up less'.
(Happened in Genoa, Faculty of Medicine. A variation is also given to Professor Trevisan, Engineering Analysis, University of Padova)
Professor:
- 'Can you tell me which organ of mammals can, once energized, to reach a size equal to six times the size of 'body at rest?' Student
(note belonging to CL) (blushing terribly):
- 'I do not know ...'
Professor:
- 'I do not know at all? Think about it, it's easy! ' Student
(more and more uncomfortable):
- 'I can not think of anything ...'
Professor:
- 'Come on, think of the lives of all giorni...'
Studente (in grave imbarazzo):
- 'Beh...'
Professore:
- 'Forza signorina, si butti!'
Studente:
- 'Il pene?'
(Scoppia un boato nell'aula)
Professore (calmissimo):
- 'Complimenti a lei e al suo fidanzato, signorina. Comunque l'organo è la pupilla.'
(Riferita come raccontata da due persone che all'epoca dei fatti (primi anni '90) erano assistenti di un docente alla facoltà di Biologia a Milano)
Si racconta di un professore con l'abitudine di usare un intercalare piuttosto volgare durante le lezioni. Un giorno le ragazze che seguivano il its course, exasperated, they agreed to leave the classroom block to the first word that the professor had given, the boys, however, were familiar with the whole thing and told the teacher. So the professor entered the classroom the next day saying
- 'out the door I saw an elephant with a cock so long!'
immediately, as agreed, the girls got up and made to go to the door, but he stopped saying
- 'Do not run, has already gone away ...'
(Attributed to Professor Paul Silvestroni, author of the famous text of General Chemistry).
Universita 'di Roma, biology class. Professor speaks of the high level of glucose in male semen. A girl raised her hand and asks:
- 'If I understand the suit there' much sugar as in sugar? '
- 'Correct' answers
prof., And puzzled the girl replies:
- 'But then why' is not sweet? '.
After a moment of icy silence the class explodes into a guffaw, the girl's face became flushed and realizing the gaffe, collects books and runs away. While you are hurrying out of the class, comes the reply of Prof. prim.:
- 'It is sweet because the taste buds that perceive tastes are sweet on the tip of the tongue and not the bottom, near the throat ... '
REALLY HAPPENED IN THE UNIVERSITY '- DEGREE IN ENGINEERING
A professor of thermodynamics has assigned an exercise at home to students of his degree course. The task consisted of one question:
- 'Hell is exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with evidence '.
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs by quoting the Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One of them, however, wrote as follows:
- 'First, we need to know how it changes over time the mass of Hell. And so we need to decide the rate of entry and exit of souls from hell. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, is not going to get out. So, no blood comes out. Regarding the number of souls are entering Hell, let's consider the different religions that exist in the world. A significant number of them says that if you're not a member of that same religion go to hell. Because of these religions there are more than one, and as people embrace one faith, we can project that all people all souls go to Hell. So, given current birth rates and mortality of the world population, we can expect an exponential growth in the number of souls in Hell
. Now, we look at the rate of expansion of hell because Boyle's Law states that in order to maintain a stable temperature and pressure in Hell, the volume must increase proportionately the same at the entrance of souls. This gives us two possibilities:
1) If Hell is expanding at a slower speed than the entrance of souls, then temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose;
2) Of course, if Hell is expanding faster than the rate of entry of the soul, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell no freeze.
So which one is the assumption correct? If we accept the postulate comunicatomi by Miss Paola M. during my first year at university, according to which 'will be very cold in hell before I give thee,' and considering that I have not been successful in an attempt to have sex with her, then the hypothesis 2 can not be true. So hell is exothermic '.
The student took the only 30. There
consideration of Physics, is the first student
Professor: 'You are in a train compartment. It's hot. What are you doing? '.
Student: 'Well, I open the window'.
Professor: 'Bravo! Calculate the entropy change '.
Student:'???? I could use any of the information in more ...'.
Professor: 'No'. (Pause) 'You know?'. (Pause). 'No? (Pause). All right, go '.
It is the first kicked out. Here comes the second, then third, fourth and the professor asks the same question with the same result. Arriva 'last student
Professor: 'You are in train, in a compartment. It's hot. What are you doing? '.
Student: '(sure) I take off my jacket'.
Professor: 'Yes, fine, but it's still hot, are you doing?'.
Student: 'I loosen my tie'.
Professor: 'But it is still hot. What are you doing? '.
Student: 'I unbutton my shirt'.
Professor: '(pissed off) Yes, but it's still so hot. What are you doing? '.
Student: 'Look, teacher, can do the warm wishes, but I fucking window does not open'.
Another consideration of Physics.
professor to the student: 'You have a barometer. How do you use to determine the height of a skyscraper? '.
The student says, 'I'm going on the top floor, tie a string to the barometer, the drop down until it touches the ground and then measure the length of the string'.
The professor is not satisfied: 'Can you tell me another method, one that demonstrates his knowledge of physics?'.
Student: 'Yes! I go to the top floor, I fall down the barometer, and measures how long after touching the ground '.
Professor: 'It is still not what I wanted, the sorry try again?'.
Student: 'I make a pendulum with a barometer as high as the building, then I measure its period'.
Professor: 'Another way?'.
Studente: 'Misuro la lunghezza del barometro, poi lo pianto verticalmente per terra in una giornata di sole, e misuro la sua ombra; quindi misuro l'ombra del grattacielo, e per similitudine...'.
Professore: 'Ancora un'altra possibilità?'.
Studente: 'Cerco il portiere e gli dico: 'Salve, signor portiere; le
regalo questo prestigioso barometro, se mi dice l'altezza di questo
edificio''
Presso la Facoltà di Giurisprudenza c'è l'esame di Codice di Procedura Civile. Il professore esordisce con una domanda: 'Dunque... mi saprebbe dire cos'è la 'frode?'
Studente: 'Una frode è se lei mi boccia!'.
Professore: 'Cooome??!! Come sarebbe a dire?'.
Studente: 'La frode si ha quando uno approfitta dell'ignoranza altrui e lo danneggia!'
Esame di Filosofia.
Il professore mostra un mazzo di chiavi e chiede: 'Dunque giovanotto, mi dimostri che queste sono mie...'.
Lo studente (preso malissimo): 'Ehm, sì, quindi, ehm...'.
Professore: 'Allora, che aspettiamo?'.
Studente: 'Io, dunque... Aristotele... ehm...'.
Professore: 'Se ne vada, torni al prossimo appello'.
Studente (si alza e fa per portarsi via le chiavi): 'Arrivederci...'.
Professore: 'Ma che cosa fa? Dove va con le mie chiavi?'.
Studente: 'Ecco dimostrato che sono sue!'.
Professore: 'Promosso'.
